Ok so I haven’t been very organised or motivated lately. In fact for the past 4 years I feel like I’ve been doing nothing with my life. I know this isn’t true but I am a harsh judge and I am failing myself. I am not as smart as I used to be, not as talented as I used to be, not as fit as I used to be, not as driven as I used to be, and not as happy. So I’m going to try and make a change. My motivations here remind me of the film Julia and Julia which I did actually find quite inspirational despite myself, and I would recommend for anyone who is feeling in a rut. I’m not expecting anything to happen or anyone to read anything I write here, I am simply disparing that I am becoming one of those people I thought I never would be, and it scares me how easy it was to get here. I have come to believe that if I write down everyday what I am doing, it will at least help me realise that I am doing stuff with my life and I am getting better. And if it turns out I am not, maybe reading it written down will show clear and simple that I am not trying hard enough and have to stop making excuses and blaming outside factors for my frustration.

What do I want to do?

I want to write a musical. I dont say this often but it is true, it is my ultimate goal, to write a musical and have it performed by a whole cast of actors and musicians, dancers and stage hands. So I’m going to get started. The process is going to involve step by step improving my skills to make sure I am capable. This is no longer going to be a case of waiting for the perfect idea to come along, I am going to write a collection of mini musicals, books, songs, and plays that may or may not lead to something bigger.

To start with I am going to start a collection of blogs. First will be this one, which is my personal diary type blog where I have to reflect everyday on the progress I am making. Second will be a book and film review blog. I need to read more and watch more films, and write down my feelings and inspirations that result. And the final one is my showreel/portfolio of work, which I will attempt to make myself using Dreamweaver, maybe it will work, maybe not.

This blog is called mush mumkin, which is the Egyptian Arabic phrase for ‘not possible, or no way’. I think it is one of the best phrases in the world to pronounce, and was one of the first Arabic phrases I lernt which got me interested in language in general. I also decided that calling this blog ‘not possible’ was a good way to motivate myself to work. If the blog itself doesn’t believe I can do it I certainly have to prove it wrong.